Emotional intelligence in practice

Who would not want to better understand their emotions or to have real control over them? Who would not want to have an ace up their sleeve for a better performance at work, a better relationship with people and, why not, to increase happiness?

The first step to that kind of evolution is understanding how your emotions manifest along the day. We invite you to reflect on the questions below.

1. Recognize emotions and feelings

Our emotional intelligence starts with what we call personal and social awareness: the ability to recognize emotions (and their impact) on ourselves and others. This is the basis of self-knowledge, and it affects our decision making. Think about it:

• What are my most developed emotional aspects?
• What are my weaknesses?
• How does my humor affect my thoughts and my decision making?

2. Make a pause

It might seem simple, but it’s not. We all know how essential it is to stop, breath, note, reflect and then decide, but our VUCA world leaves us less and less time to rethink and redirect the route when necessary. We do consider a pause, but how often we put it into practice?

If we care about self-control and quality of life, we need to be able to stop. A simple pause can prevent a permanent decision from being made based on a temporary emotion.

3. Control your thoughts

Our emotions are not a topic discussed so often in the family or school environment, so it can be difficult to control what we feel. Most of the times, we think that “control” and “feelings” do not belong to the same sentence – which is not true. If we can’t control our emotions, at least we can control our reaction to them by focusing on our thoughts. It is something like this: if we can’t prevent a bird from landing on our heads, at least we can prevent it from building a nest.

4. Accept criticism

Fact: no one likes a negative feedback. But there is no real development without a real understanding of our weaknesses. When we are surrounded by people we can trust for that kind of judgement, we have an amazing chance to evolve. 

What about you: how do you feel when receiving a criticism?

5. Be authentic

Being authentic has nothing to do with sharing everything about yourself, every time, with everyone. It is about knowing what you want to say, and act according to your values and principles. Many people find it hard to say what they think. But when you share what you feel, you invite others to do the same with you.

6. Show empathy

You have empathy when you can understand other people’s thoughts and feelings – a must-have ability to connect with anyone. You don’t need to agree with that person’s point of view. The effort of trying to understand an opinion is what makes the difference, builds deep relationships, and broadens your perceptions of the world.

7. Know how to praise

Every human being wants recognition and appreciation. When you praise someone, you help build a trusting relationship. Have you noticed that doing this makes you feel good too? It is the beginning of a cycle: when you share what you appreciate in someone else, you inspire that person to seek the best version of himself.

8. Provide a constructive feedback

You can always turn negative feedback into constructive feedback. If people really understand the relevance of your criticism, they will be more willing to change.

9. Do apologize

It is not easy to apologize. This attitude shows humility, another must-have ability when you want to connect with someone. Understanding that apologize is not about being wrong, but rather valuing the relationship more than your ego, it’s an emotional challenge.

10. Forgive, forget, move on

Have you ever noticed how resentment works? While the offender moves on without looking back, the offended person barely looks for a chance to heal. It’s like leaving the knife inside the wound. When you forgive and forget, you do the opposite movement: you don’t become a hostage to your own emotions. And life goes on.

11. Honor your appointments

The habit of keeping your promises is a notable one. Especially when all you need to change your mind is sending a text message. But breaking a deal with your child can cause as much harm as missing an important business deadline. Do you really need to break that promise?

12. Help someone

The best way to positively impact other people’s emotion is to offer help. How much time is in your schedule to listen and help? This kind of attitude creates a circle of trust, multiplying your positive attitude and inspiring others to follow your example.